All posts by : Gemma Stanley

You can’t change a habit that you don’t acknowledge or understand, so my first tip for overcoming emotional overeating is deducing what your triggers are.

In other words, what is it about life that makes you want to overeat? Or, to frame it slightly differently, what stresses do you have in your life that make you care less about the dietary decisions you make?

For many people, work can be a trigger.

Perhaps you have long hours and you’re so numb by the end of the day that you don’t care what you eat as long as it’s edible. Maybe you have a boss who’s hard on you and leaves you stressed Monday through Friday.

Speaking of stress, that’s another huge emotional eating trigger for a lot of people.

Stress can be so many things, from the aforementioned work stress to financial stress to life stress.

Maybe you’re a new parent and you feel constantly frazzled. Perhaps you made a major lifestyle shift and you’re having a hard time adjusting.

Relationships can be a trigger for overeating as well. It might be a strained parent or family relationship, an in-law, a neighbor, or a frenemy whose presence leaves you wanting to eat anything and everything in sight.

No matter what your trigger is, it’s valid, so don’t feel bad!

You very well may have more than one trigger, which is fine.

After all, sometimes it can truly feel like the whole world is pushing down on you in every way. The last thing you want to do is pay attention to the food you’re consuming.

To deduce what your triggers are, keep a journal for a week where you map out your daily routine.

At the points where you feel the urge to overeat, note it in the journal.

After the week concludes, look back over your week in writing and see all the instances where emotional eating tempted you the most.

That will help you figure out your triggers fast.

2. Try to Replace the Bad Habit

I’m not telling you to quit emotional eating by simply just stopping. If it was that easy, then anyone would be able to do it.

It’s not anywhere near that easy, though.

Instead, what I’m telling you to do is find an alternative when you feel the urge to let your emotions guide your food choices.

For example, maybe you walk away from the fridge, step outside, and deeply breathe for a minute. You’ll feel centered and focused and can then think more clearly about what you want to eat.

Maybe you decide to go for a walk. That too will help you reprioritize and think logically about what your body is craving, not necessarily what stress is pushing you to consume.

Okay, but what about those days when you’re so exhausted that you can barely stand let alone think? You don’t have the energy or time for a walk, so what do you do?

If you’re at the point where you feel like emotional eating is best for you after a long day, then what you need is self-care.

You may think that overeating is self-care, but it’s the opposite. It feels good to nosh on a whole pizza or three slices of chocolate cake in the moment, but then you can go on a self-loathing spiral.

What would really make you feel better? Perhaps all you need to do is change into a fuzzy robe, put on your favorite pair of slippers, kick up on the couch with a glass of wine or a snack, and watch some Netflix.

When you step away from the urge to overeat, one of two things will happen.

Either you’ll feel more thoughtful and ready to eat something that’s not pure carbs and sugar, or you’ll decide to overeat anyway.

If it’s the latter, please don’t beat yourself up.

Like any habit, quitting emotional eating isn’t an overnight process. It’s going to take time, and you’ll make great strides at some point and backslide at other points.

3. Practice Mindful Eating

Here’s something that you might be surprised to hear me say, but I’m holding to it.

I don’t want you to make food off-limits. I’ll talk more about this in the next section, but sometimes you have to eat what nourishes your soul even if it doesn’t always nourish your body.

If you are going to eat unhealthy foods, focus on mindful eating rather than inhaling the food like Kirby.

Are you not sure what mindful eating is? Allow me to explain!

A 2017 publication of Diabetes Spectrum from the American Diabetes Association defines mindful eating as “paying attention to our food, on purpose, moment by moment, without judgment.”

How often do you sit down to eat and the TV is on, or you’re scrolling through social media on your phone, or you’re working?

Those things are the opposite of mindful eating, yet they’ve become so ingrained in us that it’s hard to stop those behaviors.

Here’s how I want you to incorporate mindful eating into your daily routine. Start with one meal a day or even a snack.

Choose a time when you know you can get away for a couple of minutes and prepare your meal or snack.

Take a bite and close your eyes just so you can focus more on other sensations like taste and smell.

How does the food feel entering your mouth? What flavor notes hit your taste buds first?

Even if you eat something mindfully that you normally eat every single day, you’ll find that consuming the food is a completely different experience. You had never realized how nuanced the eating experience can be.

Rushing to eat your food may suit our go-go-go lifestyle, but it’s not doing you any favors.

A 2015 report published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Science notes that enjoying food is both a combination of smell and taste.

You see, scents can travel from the back of your mouth into your nasal cavity when you eat, which allows you to get the full depth of a food’s aroma and decipher between types of food.

The researchers involved in the study note that when you chew, air can enter through the nasal cavity and reach the lungs. What results is an air curtain that allows food volatiles to travel to the intended destination.

However, breathing too fast can impede the process, such as what you might do when gnawing through a meal fast to get back to work on time. This prevents you from experiencing the full flavor and aroma of your meals, which is a real shame!

Another risk in eating and multitasking is that you’re barely paying attention to the food you consume. When you rush, you could easily eat more than intended without meaning to.

4. Balance Your Meals

I said in the section prior that you shouldn’t make food off-limits, and I want to explain the rationale behind that a little bit more.

It’s a well-documented psychological phenomenon that when someone tells you that you can’t have something, that makes you want it more.

When you’re tired or stressed or feeling battered down, it’s harder to have the willpower to overcome your desires.

Thus, you should eat what you’re craving or what would nourish your soul because you’ll have less of that internal push-pull battle.

Plus, now that you know the value of mindful eating, you’ll appreciate what you’re eating even more.

That said, please don’t jump off the deep end.

Up to 80 percent of your diet should be comprised of balanced, nourishing, healthful foods that contain protein and carbohydrates.

The other 20 percent can be those not-so-good-for-you foods.

That seems like a fair compromise, I would say.

Now, I’ve had some clients who take a very all-or-nothing approach to unhealthy foods. They feel like if they have a box of cupcakes in the pantry or a bag of chips that they’ll down the whole thing in one sitting.

If you’re prone to emotional eating, then yes, that very well could happen.

What I recommend is purchasing these foods in smaller quantities.

For instance, you can buy many snack cookies in mini packs, and chips are available in small bags as well.

Don’t feel guilty for falling into bad habits, as it will probably happen. As I said before, overcoming emotional eating is quitting a bad habit, and that is not a linear process.

You will have good days and you will have bad days. The bad days teach you healthier habits, and that’s how you eventually make lasting change.

In the meantime, be patient with yourself!

5. When All Else Fails, Seek Support

Boiling down how to overcome emotional eating is, in a way, oversimplifying what is an extremely complex topic.

Overeating, especially compulsive overeating, is classed as a type of disordered eating, aka an eating disorder.

Some people might be able to overcome eating disorders on their own, but many more require the help of trained professionals such as doctors, nutritionists, and therapists.

You might find that some of the tips in this guide help you curb your overeating but don’t altogether stop it.

You might also discover that for as much as you want to stop emotional eating, you find yourself unable to. You just keep falling back into the same bad habits over and over again.

If so, then I wouldn’t recommend you keep trying the same thing. Rather, I would seek help.

I don’t mean your friends or family, either. As well-meaning as they are, they probably don’t understand emotional overeating to its fullest extent. You could get conflicting messages that make recovery seem impossible.

I’m referring to professional help.

There is no shame in admitting you need help, especially when it comes to an eating disorder like compulsive overeating.

Whether you see someone for weekly sessions (or more frequent than that) or you enter a program, you will be equipped with the tools and professional support you need to reduce your instances of overeating.

Putting ourselves first just doesn’t come naturally to a lot of us. We’re wives, mothers, corporate employees, business owners, caretakers, and any other job title first.

We have so many responsibilities, so many people we’re beholden to that the only time that’s left over for ourselves are those couple of minutes at the end of the day (when you’re already exhausted anyway) or a few quiet minutes first thing in the morning.

Well, I’m here to tell you that you have to learn to put yourself first. Yes, just as you learn to ride a bike or tie your shoes, this is another learned skill.

And let me tell you, learning to put yourself first will feel strange and selfish and even wrong, but that’s okay. Here’s why you need to do it.

You Can Give More Energy

Think of energy as an ice cream cone (maybe a bad analogy for a fitness blog, but bear with me). You only have so long before the ice cream cone melts, right?

When you push yourself and do too much, which so many of us are guilty of in our day-to-day lives, that ice cream cone melts. By the time you pass it on to someone else, it’s a sticky puddle and a cone.

That’s how your energy is too. If you grind yourself down to nothing and you’re running on fumes, how good of a spouse do you think you can be?

How good of a parent? How good of a friend? A son or daughter? A brother or sister? A caretaker? A community member? An employee.

It’s about so much more than burning the chicken for dinner and disappointing your family in that way. It’s all about the little things that add up.

You’re reading your child a bedtime story, and instead of them being the one to fall asleep, you pass out instead.

You promised your wife or husband a date night, but you’re on your phone too much wrapping up a work situation.

You see what I mean? You’re not giving them as much as you wish you could because you simply don’t have it to give.

When you learn to put yourself first, you’re recharging your own battery. It’s like putting the ice cream cone in the freezer before you pass it on to someone else.

You have more to give, a whole lot more than you did.

This will also benefit you at work. After all, if you barely have enough stamina for your personal life, then the same is likely true of your professional life.

You don’t want your work performance to slip. You could get passed over for the next promotion or even fired, which would just cause the mounting stresses in your life to become even more complex.

You’ll Feel Present in Your Life

It’s not only that you don’t have time for others when you fail to put yourself first, but you’re also just sort of sleepwalking through life.

You’re trying to get through on what little energy you have, and then you give what you can to those in your life until there’s nothing left.

If this goes on for long enough, then you could end up with burnout.

You might take the weekends to rest a little (if you have the time, that is), but even still, by the time the week begins, you feel like a zombie dragging yourself through.

That’s no way to live!

When you’re absent in your own life because you’re burnt out and exhausted, you’re like the passenger rather than the driver in your life.

You miss out on all the little things that make life amazing, like the sight of flowers blooming for the first time all year, the sound of laughter filling your house from your family, or the taste of your favorite homecooked meal.

You’re there for all those things physically, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually? You aren’t. You’re still missing out. Life just sort of blurs together.

The People in Your Life Want What’s Best for You

Many of us feel like selfish monsters at the thought of taking a little bit of time for ourselves.

You worry about what those most important people in your life would think of you, right? But here’s what I want you to remember.

Learning to put yourself first is the only way you can give to others in your life in the way that you want to.

Plus, it’s not like anyone in your life who truly matters is going to begrudge you for it. These people love you, and they want what’s best for you. If that means some time away, then so be it!

Why Fitness Is the Perfect Way to Begin Putting Yourself First

When learning to put yourself first, you have to figure out what your outlet will be.

For me, Helen Tynan, and many, many other clients I’ve worked with and continue to work with, that outlet is fitness.

Perhaps fitness will be your outlet too, or maybe you’re still weighing your options.

Here are a few reasons why I think that fitness is such an optimal way to put yourself first.

You Get More Than Five Minutes Away

So many people who begin putting themselves first are afraid to really jump into the effort headfirst, so they steal away five minutes here or there.

I have to ask, who is that benefitting? Five minutes is barely enough time to help you get over anything, let alone weeks if not months of built-up burnout.

What you need is significant time and getting into fitness will give you that time. Maybe you only start by exercising for 20 or 30 minutes, but I promise that’s going to feel a lot more fulfilling than five minutes.

Once you get to the point where your fitness sessions are an hour or even two hours long, you’ll look forward to every minute of time.

You can listen to the playlist you want, focus less on your looks (since you’ll be getting all sweaty, anyway), and do the exercises you want to do.

People Will Automatically Be More Supportive

If your idea of “me” time is sitting on the couch watching Netflix with a glass of wine and a bowl of popcorn (which it is for a lot of people), it’s a little hard to garner much in the way of support for that.

On the other hand, if you tell those in your life that you need a few hours away several times per week to prioritize your fitness routine, that’s going to get you so much support.

You’ll have friends and family members telling you that they’re rooting for you, that they wish they too could become more fit.  

The support is their way of telling you that yes, it’s okay to step away from some of your responsibilities for a little while and focus on fitness, even if those responsibilities bear such heavy titles as parent, spouse, adult caretaker, or business owner.

You’re Building a Healthier You!

Remember my energy analogy from earlier in this article? Well, it was more like an ice cream analogy, but I digress.

Fitness is like freezing your ice cream so you have more to give. It’s a way to restore your energy and increase your energy.

Imagine waking up in the morning already feeling energetic before you even have your morning cup of coffee. Picture having more pep in your step throughout the day.

I’m not saying that exercise is the cure for burnout. If your life is otherwise strenuous or busy, then yes, you will burn out and no fitness routine can prevent that.

Having more of that natural energy in your life will reduce the feelings of burnout though and help you keep going just a little bit longer.

Tips for Making More “You” Time

Now that you understand the value of learning to put yourself first, especially through fitness, I want to wrap up with some tips that will help you do just that!

Learn to Say No

If you’re the people-pleasing type–which I suspect you are if you’re reading this article–then of course, your first instinct is to always say yes.

Your boss asks you to do an extra project? You got it. Your friends ask you to help them move? What time do you need to be there by?

Your spouse or partner asks you to watch the kids because they have to work late? No problem, honey.

Each time you say yes to optional obligations, you’re chipping away at yourself more and more.

What you should do is look for opportunities where you can say no and then do it.

You won’t really have many of those opportunities at work, granted, so that means focusing on your personal life.

Maybe recommend your friend hire a mover and even offer them a few names, but decline to help them move.

If you have to watch the kids late tonight, then your spouse or partner should do so the next two nights to make up for it.

Saying no will be weird at first. You’ll feel like you’re disappointing people or that they’ll get angry at you.

Then you’ll realize that they’ll accept your answer, and the world will keep right on turning.

Once you discover that, saying no becomes a lot easier!

Ask for Help

So many of us feel like we need to be completely self-sufficient.

Maybe it’s because the Internet has put every answer at our fingertips, from how to change a tire to how to bake a complicated recipe or directions to your destination.

But it’s okay to ask for help. It’s admirable, even.

The Internet, as handy as it is, can’t help in the areas where it really matters, like childcare or job responsibilities.

If you need help with a big work project because the deadline is approaching and you’re overwhelmed, ask for help if that’s allowed.

Let your spouse or partner do more of the childcare at home if they’ve offered.

It can be scary to let someone else take the reins, but you can use that time to put yourself first for a little while, so it’s ultimately a win-win.

Take It Slow

Remember that rushing through life and stacking too many tasks on top of one another is a terrible way to live.

You need to take the time to slow down and smell the roses, whether that be literally or figuratively.

Sometimes, hitting the pause button on life–or at least the slow-down button–can ease a lot of your stress, as you don’t feel like life is moving towards you like a freight train!

Self-awareness is about so much more than simply being aware of yourself in your current state of your existence. That’s why I thought I’d start with a definition.

A type of philosophy, self-awareness is a full understanding of yourself down to the deepest and most profound levels. 

In other words, you’re fully aware of your desires, motives, feelings, and character.

You can get to know how you’ll react in any hypothetical situation because you understand yourself so wholly.

Fostering self-awareness is not always easy, nor is it pretty. After all, we’re all complex, flawed human beings, and that means we have our good sides just as we do our bad sides.

Being self-aware does not mean you sweep the bad stuff under the rug or pretend it doesn’t exist. Rather, it means you understand and even own that part of yourself.

Sometimes, self-awareness can even set the stage for you to change some of your bad behaviors.

For example, if you know that you’re rather hotheaded, and you always get angriest when stuck in a big crowd, then you might work to reduce the triggers that make you angry. 

Maybe you go to smaller events and do shopping (including grocery shopping) online to avoid the lines.

The Types of Self-Awareness

Not all self-awareness is necessarily the same. There are two types, public and private. Let’s talk more about both types of self-awareness now.

Private Self-Awareness

First is private self-awareness, a lot of which encompasses what I talked about in the last section.

Private self-awareness is all about how you’re thinking and what you’re experiencing internally. If someone looked at you, they wouldn’t necessarily be able to tell what’s going on in your head.

Let’s say you’re visiting a doctor’s office and you know you’re receiving a needle. You’re scared of needles, so you’re incredibly nervous.

Well, unless you’re fidgeting or sweating, the person sitting beside you in the waiting room can’t tell how you’re feeling. To them, you seem fine, so they would never guess you’re anxious.

Deep inside though, you’re aware of your phobias and how you’re feeling nervous.

Public Self-Awareness

The other type of self-awareness is known as public self-awareness.

Public self-awareness is an understanding and awareness that how you present yourself does have an impact, positive or negative.

For roughly the first five years of your life, you’ll lack public self-awareness because you’re a child. 

Then, suddenly, you realize that others in the world can see you, and that’s something that never goes away.

Public self-awareness is why we hate being spotted by our neighbor when on a late-night grocery run in our pajamas. It’s why you don’t want to run into your ex unless you look stunning.

We know that other people are going to make judgments on us based on how we present ourselves, and so we want to put our best foot forward at all times.

Are You Lacking Self-Awareness? Here’s How to Tell

All of us like to believe that we’re relatively self-aware. After all, our bodies and minds are the only ones we have, so we like to believe we know them infinitely well, right?

As I said before though, becoming self-aware is not an easy journey, so some people actively avoid it. If that’s you, then you’ll recognize yourself in the following signs.

Your Life Is Full of Short-Term Happiness But Not Long-Term Happiness

I could name a dozen things that make me happy right this second, from binge-watching my favorite Netflix show to a really good gym session or a nice coffee with extra foam.

The thing about those sources of happiness though is that they don’t last. The show ends, the endorphins wear off, and the coffee gets consumed.

Then you’re left to pursue the next source of short-term happiness.

People who follow this path of short-term happiness often do it because they don’t know what would fulfill them more in the long-term.

Once you build self-awareness, you’ll still pursue short-term pleasures, but now long-term happiness as well.

You’re Overly Negative

Whether you’re very gossipy or even arrogant, these traits all tie back to perpetual negativity.

Part of it is that you don’t recognize your own faults, as you haven’t gone through enough introspection to do so.

Some people naturally are more pessimistic than they are positive, and that’s not necessarily the worst thing. If you’re aware of it, that means you can identify it as it’s happening and then rein it in before you bomb another conversation with a friend or colleague.

Those who lack self-awareness just keep digging the hole deeper and rarely even recognize it until after the conversation ends.

You Talk a Lot

Look, it’s one thing if you’re naturally chatty because that’s your personality and it’s another thing entirely when you talk just to say words.

If everything you say lacks any sense of profundity or if you talk to seem smart or important, then it’s coming from a place absent of self-awareness.

Some people are too afraid to stop talking because it will mean they have to listen to their internal dialogue, and that can be painful and difficult.

All things that are worth doing often have moments that are painful and difficult, and self-growth is no different!

How Self-Awareness Helps in Achieving Personal Development

Growing as a person is something we should always strive to do no matter how old we are or where in our lives we are. Yet without self-awareness, achieving this critical growth is so much easier said than done.

Here is how self-awareness can facilitate that personal growth we all desire.

You’ll Make Fewer Comparisons

The everyday comparison game is all but inevitable in today’s age of social media when everyone’s curated lives appear on our feeds all the time.

You find that the comparisons don’t stop there, though. You compare yourself to your friends, your siblings, your former classmates, maybe even your colleagues at work.

You figure that if everyone in those respective groups had the same start and the same advantages, then why does it feel like you’re so far behind compared to everybody else?

Part of it absolutely comes down to a lack of self-awareness. When you don’t understand who you are deep down inside, you compare yourself to everyone and everything.

Once you take that time to carve out the path of self-awareness, you’ll have a better understanding of your personality and character.

You won’t feel like comparing yourself to every stranger you see on social media nor the people you know, as you’ll feel like it’s comparing apples to oranges anyway.

You Can Nip Self-Limiting Beliefs in the Bud

When you don’t know who you are or what you want out of this life, it’s hard to approach anything with conviction. 

You just kind of go through life, accepting what’s granted to you because hey, it’s an opportunity.

If you ever see something bigger or better, you can easily talk yourself out of it because you just don’t think you’ll be good enough.

Self-limiting beliefs are hard to shake when they come from yourself, especially if you’ve been perpetuating the cycle of thinking that you can only go so far.

By working on your self-awareness, you’ll get to know the kinds of opportunities that would appeal to you. Although you’ll have doubts at times, you won’t be holding yourself back in quite the same way.

You Can Choose What Makes You Truly Happy

This goes back to my point from before about chasing short-term happiness only. It feels good in the moment, and maybe if you have a nice coffee in front of the couch, you get double the happiness, but it always fades.

Building a fulfilling life is about doing what truly makes you happy. Maybe that’s not always feasible as a career choice but can be a hobby or a part-time job.

Tips for Increasing Your Self-Awareness

Are you ready to embark on the oft-difficult journey that is building your self-awareness? Your life will be so much better off for it, that’s for sure!

Here’s how it’s done.

Ask for Others’ Opinions

Talk to a few people you know separately and ask them a question that they might find difficult to answer. Ask them how they truly see you.

Tell them that it’s in your best interest that they don’t sugarcoat anything. Even if the answer is a hard one to hear, you want to hear it nevertheless, as it will help you become self-aware.

As you gather answers, look for common threads. Do people think you’re too negative? That you lack self-esteem? That you come across as too arrogant?

Then take some time and ponder whether those things are true about yourself. Are you perhaps posturing in front of certain people to try and be perceived in a specific way? Or are you really a touch arrogant?

Acknowledging negative things about ourselves is never fun but is the first step to bettering our personal growth through self-awareness.

Spend More Time with People and Note How You Feel and Behave

It’s time to put the smartphone down and get out there and be with people, be those your friends, family members, or colleagues.

As you have regular hangout time, try to be more self-aware. Don’t change how you’re behaving, but just assess it more.

Consider not only your behaviors but your feelings as well.

This will feel awkward to do at first, and you might even get a little too into your own head at first. The more you do it, though, the more natural it will feel.

With time, you’ll notice that even before you see your friends and family that you’ll have a good gauge on what you’re thinking and feeling.

Start a Journal

If the idea of being self-aware in the moment strikes you as a little too daunting, then you can always journal.

In the journal, you’d document what you did that day, how you felt, how you were perceived, and how you behaved. You might also wish to note how you wished you felt and behaved.

Over time, you’ll have a log of your various feelings and triggers. You can use this information to better understand yourself.

For example, perhaps you feel stressed when you know you’re having a meeting at work where you have to speak. Your stress levels are higher before the meeting and immediately after.

You can’t help that you have to speak at work, but you can take a public speaking class to help you get over your anxieties.

What to Do When You Hear That You’ve Changed – How to Own Personal Growth

Naturally, upon becoming more self-aware, you’re going to have friends, family members, and/or colleagues accuse you of changing.

But you haven’t changed, not really. You’ve just better learned yourself, and that’s helped you reprioritize how you treat others and how you present yourself to the world. You’re still the same you but better.

If you remember my post about being accused of “changing” when you begin prioritizing a healthier lifestyle through diet and exercise, then you’ll recall how I talked about that the people who accuse you the loudest are often the unhappiest with themselves.

It’s the same situation with your newfound self-awareness. These people who are saying you changed liked you better when you were less self-aware, probably because you were bitter, negative, and angry like them.

You can always invite others to join you on the journey of self-awareness, but don’t be surprised if some people turn you down. Some like being blissfully unaware, even if they are limiting their own self-growth.

All you can do in a situation like that is focus on your own growth moving forward!

I’ve been into health and fitness for a long time now, and I will admit that I do have confidence in my body. I’m also no stranger to photoshoots, although those are usually in a place where I feel most comfortable, the gym.

Those kinds of shoots are easy for me. You’re trying to showcase your physique, usually certain areas, so you know to bend or flex or pose a certain way to make muscles pop.

The shoot that Lynn and I did in Dubai was not a fitness photoshoot. It was a lifestyle shoot. It wasn’t in a gym either. It was in the streets of Dubai.

Shooting in a gym is a relatively private affair. It’s an enclosed building and only certain people are there. I’d usually close off the gym while shooting photos to keep the background uncluttered.

The Dubai photoshoot was different. We were outside in the middle of the street. We couldn’t tell people, “no, don’t walk the way we’re going,” and we couldn’t help the cars that were passing by either.

Dubai is the most iconic country in the world with close to 20 million visitors a year. Another 2.9 million people live there, says World Population Review.

To say it was crowded when we did this photoshoot would have been the understatement of the century. People were looking at us, because of course, they were. You would look too if someone was taking photos in the middle of a crowded street.

Lynn and I were getting a lot of stares.

It was all at once an electrifying and exhilarating feeling, getting all that attention, and terrifying as well.

In the end, I’m so, so glad that I decided at that moment that leaving my comfort zone was a great idea, because it was!

After wrapping up that shoot, I felt so much more confident in myself than I would during a standard gym shoot because I went out on a limb.

Plus, I’ll always have the photos to look back on. They’re there to remind me of when I was my most confident (at least as of right now) and to help act as a pick-me-up when my self-esteem inevitably wavers.

7 Tips to Foster Confidence in Your Body

I’m sure you read through the last section and thought, “I would never do something like that.” Here’s the thing. I never thought that I could do a photoshoot in the streets of Dubai until I was doing it.

I know that a lot of my readers are just starting their health and fitness journeys or are feeling fatigued and frustrated from lack of results. How in the world do you find confidence in yourself, especially during those moments?

Here’s what I recommend.

Leave Your Comfort Zone Sometimes

Your self-confidence doesn’t solely have to be based on the way you look or the pounds you’ve dropped or anything like that. Rather, you can feel good about what you’re capable of doing or achieving.

I usher you to leave your comfort zone just as I did!

Now, don’t worry. You don’t have to book an immediate flight to Dubai and find the busiest streetcorner for photos.

You don’t even have to do something half as daring.

That said, I want you to do something that you normally wouldn’t.

Is that going to feel uncomfortable? Oh yes. That’s why it’s called leaving your comfort zone. You’re stretching yourself in new and innovative ways, and that’s not easy.

Once you do it though, you’ll feel so much better about yourself. I promise!

Love Yourself as You Are Right Now

In my line of work, I see it all the time.

Women (and men too, of course) resist loving themselves as they are because they’re reserving that self-love for when they lose five pounds or go down two dress sizes.

Here’s the thing, though. When you enter that kind of mindset, enough is never enough. You can lose the five pounds or two dress sizes and you’ll want to go down two more dress sizes and take off 15 pounds.

In the meantime, life is passing you by.

Have you ever seen an old photo of yourself at a time when you didn’t feel particularly confident in yourself? You might gawk at yourself and be like, “wow, I was so pretty,” or “wow, I was so skinny.”

And then you inevitably ask yourself, “Why didn’t I appreciate how good I looked?”

The reason is that you didn’t see it, just like you don’t see it now.

Don’t let another three or five years go by where you look at pictures of yourself from right now and feel just as wistful.

Work on fostering self-love for the way you look right now. I know, you want to lose weight, or you want to change this or that. Just try it.

This way, when you look at yourself five years from now, you’ll marvel over how beautiful you are, and you’ll remember being aware of it and appreciating it.

Think of Your Body as Your Best Friend

The way we talk to ourselves about our bodies can be truly heinous. The thoughts that pass through our heads are something we’d never say to anyone except for our bitterest of enemies.

Imagine if your best friend came to you having a bad body image period.

You wouldn’t agree with her when she said she felt fat, right? Never in a million years! This is your friend, and you love her.

Ask yourself why it’s okay for you to talk to yourself that same way. Just because you’re not saying the words out loud doesn’t mean they don’t have a negative effect.

My next body confidence tip I this. Treat your body like your best friend.

The next time you find yourself having a mean thought about your body, stop yourself. When you look at yourself in the mirror and you want to gripe, don’t. I’ll tell you what you can say instead a little bit later.

Embrace Positive Influences in Your Life

One of my favorite parts about going to Dubai was getting to hang out with Lynn and record a podcast with her right in the same room. That’s something we’ve never gotten to do before and, now that we’re back in our respective homes, probably won’t for the next little while.

Seeing her and being around her made me realize how much I appreciate Lynn as such a positive female role model.

I’m sure you have such role models too, male or female. They don’t have to be in the health and fitness community.

Rather, you’re looking for people who bolster your self-esteem and remind you that you’re amazing. These people can be friends, coworkers, a spouse or partner, a neighbour, or a family member.

Whoever it is, their influence always makes you feel better about yourself. Remember to exchange the favor when you can and lift up others in your life!

Repeat Positive Affirmations

I love starting my day with a good positive affirmation. It’s an excellent way to ensure things get off to the right foot, sometimes even before you get out of bed.

Well, positive affirmations don’t solely have to be about your life, your job, your finances, or your relationships. They can revolve around your body as well!

Start with a simple one. “My body deserves love” or “My body is a gift.”

Your body is a gift, even if you’re not happy with how it looks right this moment. Your body is an incredible thing that allows you to get up, walk around, hold things, see, taste, smell, and hear. You’re blessed to be in your body!

Once you believe those things about yourself, you can move on to more advanced body positive affirmations such as, “Being skinny or fat is not my identity. I am identified by who I am on the inside, a loving, wonderful person.”

Now, does saying an affirmation each day mean you believe it? Not at first, no. The more you do it, though, the more you will start to believe what you’re telling yourself!

Take a Social Media Break

Billions of people around the world use social media. How many of us actually use it because we enjoy it versus because we’re addicted to it or feel like we have to be on there to keep up appearances?

Social media has been tied to feelings of depression and reduced self-esteem. If you’re not comparing your life to your high school classmates’ lives on Facebook, then you’re on Instagram comparing your body to the perfect Instagram model’s.

Here’s the thing about a lot of those social media images: they’re not real. People use apps and filters to edit themselves to perfection. The people in the photos don’t even look like that.

Even still, that doesn’t mean these photos don’t have an effect.

A 2021 report from Illinois State University reports that “Studies have found a correlation between the time spent on social media and a negative body image. The correlation is especially true when participants were scrolling through appearance-related content like accounts of a fitness instructor or model on Instagram.”

Fortunately, the Illinois State University study and other data show that social media can have a positive effect if users see more body positive content.

Even still, sometimes all you need is some time to unplug and detox from social media. Do it as often as you require until you feel better.

After all, I promise you, your Facebook or Instagram feed will still be the same when you get back.

Use Body Neutrality

What if you’re struggling with all this positive self-talk about your body or picking out things about yourself that you like?

At the very least, if you can’t be positive, you can be neutral.

Body neutrality is taking a non-emotional approach to how you perceive your body. You make your body image less significant one way or another so it doesn’t dominate so many facets of your everyday life.

You can repeat body-neutral mantras if the body-positive ones feel too overwhelming to you. For example, maybe you say something like, “My appearance is going to change a lot over the years. Sometimes I’ll find myself more attractive and sometimes less so. And that’s okay.”

Even looking in the mirror and saying “this is my body” is considered body neutral. You’re not saying your body is good or bad, just that it’s there.

Some days, especially when you’re having a bad body image day but you don’t really want to dedicate too much space or time to it, body neutrality can be a saving grace.

Even on those good body image days, you’re preventing yourself from giving your body too much attention, which is healthy.

You had hemmed and hawed for years, telling yourself that next week you would start the diet or next week you would join the gym.

Maybe it took reading this blog or finding my podcast, or perhaps it was a totally different set of circumstances, but you decided to finally prioritize your health and wellness.

This time, for real, you started your fitness journey, and you couldn’t be prouder of yourself just for getting started. Yet to your astonishment, your friends, family, and peers gave you pushback. Why?

Here are some reasons.

You’re Forcing Them to Change

It’s no secret that the average person doesn’t like change.

Change is uncomfortable. It forces us out of our everyday routines and shakes up all the things we know and love, rearranging them randomly. It doesn’t feel good, and it can often take some introspection and growth to get through it.

Some experts even believe that we humans are hard-wired to avoid change. We hate it that much. 

So what do you think is going to happen when you tell your girlfriends that you can’t go out to eat with them every Friday night unless they want to start going to healthier places? 

Or how do you think your friends will react when you skip a few bar nights with them to hit the gym?

The answer? Not well.

It’s one thing if you make the choice to change yourself, such as you did by deciding that you were going to start exercising and eating better.

It’s another thing entirely when change is foisted upon you by someone else.

That’s how the people in your life will feel. Their lives were going along swimmingly, and then you decided to step in and change the dynamic. Now girls’ night won’t be the same or your family get-togethers won’t be as gluttonous.

Part of the reason that change is hard is that you’re letting go of a former way of doing things and forging a new path.

Those days of you seeing your friends and family in quite so carefree a fashion might not come back, and they may not be okay with that.

You might not be either, but at least you’re becoming healthier for it. Your friends and family aren’t benefitting though. 

Highlights How They’re Unhappy with Themselves

Misery loves company, isn’t that how the old saying goes?

When you and your friends or family get together and make bad decisions regarding your diets, it’s a lot easier to justify those decisions because of the group environment.

Internally, you can say, “well, she’s having a double cheeseburger with extra cheese and large fries and a drink, so I can too.”

Now try justifying that same choice when it’s just you at the drive-thru line. It’s a lot harder to do, right?

So I’ve established that you can experience negativity in fitness from those you love because you’re making them change, but you’re also doing something else.

You’re shining a big ole spotlight on how unhappy they are with themselves.

Maybe your friend tried and failed five fad diets or your colleague at work has joined three gyms over two years but hasn’t found one he’ll go to often enough. 

These people wish they could change themselves, but it hasn’t worked out.

It’s not something they like to think about. Now you’re making them do just that by deciding to prioritize your health. No wonder some of the people in your life have begun to be resentful. 

Am I in an Unproductive Environment? How to Recognize the Signs

Whether it’s your friends, your family, your colleagues, or even your significant other, if these people feel bitter toward your fitness journey, you’ll soon find yourself slipping into an unproductive environment.

Here are some ways you can be sure you’ve reached that point.

No One Takes Your Fitness Journey Seriously

You’ve become very passionate about following a regimented diet and exercising, but whenever you talk to the people in your life about your fitness journey, they don’t react the same.

They might act incredulous and ask you when you’re going to give it up and come back to pub night or girls’ night. They could treat you snidely and tell you that you’ll get tired of the diets and exercise and that in a few months, it will be right back to the same old, same old.

Unfortunately, they could be right. A lack of support can make it that much more tantalizing to give up when the going gets hard. You need a cheerleader who’s rooting for you, and you don’t have that right now.

They Don’t Want to Hear About Your Successes

Woohoo! You checked the scale this morning and you’re already down seven pounds.

Of course, your first inclination is going to be to call or text your loved ones or maybe make a semi-bragging post on social media. You have good news to share, after all, and you want everyone to hear it.

The people in your life should be proud and congratulatory. If they don’t even want to discuss your weight loss (or muscle gains, or whatever your health and fitness goals are) or they actively dismiss you, that can leave you crestfallen.

You want the approval of your favorite people, and you’re just not getting it.

They Actively Try to Derail You

The real problem arises when the people in your life go beyond words and try actions to stop you from living your best and fittest life.

Maybe they order a juicy cheeseburger and eat it in front of you or they show up at your house one night insisting that you and the rest of the group all go out together.

You’re being derailed here, and it can cause a lot of confusion and upset feelings.

What to Do When Your New Lifestyle Change Brings About Negativity

You’re feeling deeply hurt lately and unsupported by the people who matter most to you. These kinds of difficult situations can cause decreased motivation and even depression. You might lose interest in all your hobbies, not just working out and eating right.

Although none of the suggestions in this section are going to be easy, they’re what you have to do. You can’t continue pretending like the mean comments and disregard for your health are okay.

Try this instead.

Make Your Feelings Known

Get in touch with your friend or family member and ask to sit down and talk at a time that’s mutually agreeable for both of you.

When you meet up, calmly explain that for the past several weeks or months, you’ve stood by as this person has made rude comments about your health and fitness journey.

Tell them that you tried to brush off what they said, but that they keep saying it and that it’s very hurtful for you.

Explain exactly how their words have made you feel, whether that’s confused, angry, sad, or even a combination of feelings. 

Try to Work It Out

Once you’re done speaking your piece, wait and let the other person talk.

It could be that they had no idea their words or actions were hurting you so deeply. They may regret what they said. It could be that they realize that having you in a lesser capacity is better than not having you at all.

Hopefully, your friend or family member tells you that they won’t make those kinds of comments about your fitness journey going forward.

However, they may ask you to compromise as well. Perhaps if they’re struggling with their own health and wellness, they may ask that you don’t talk about that part of your life with them as much.

If you can agree to those terms, then fine. You two have worked things out, and hopefully, you’ll have a better relationship moving forward. 

Know When to Walk Away

Although ideally, the scenario above would transpire, we all know that we don’t always live in a perfect world.

Your family member or friend might have said they’d be nicer, but it didn’t stick. Or perhaps they never agreed to be more supportive, and so the relationship has continued to degenerate.

Here’s the thing that I think a lot of us don’t like thinking or talking about, especially as we get older.

We go on different paths in life, and the people who were once our friends aren’t always. We can outgrow them.

Whether it’s the first guy to get married out of a group of single bachelor friends or the first lady to have a baby among her girlfriends, major life milestones can cause us sometimes to leave friends behind.

You shouldn’t feel bad about that. Your new life in fitness presents many opportunities to make new friends, friends who will truly have your back and support you as you grow and thrive. They won’t hold you back or resent you for changing.

Now, it’s not easy to walk away from friends, but it’s even harder to walk away from family.

Unless you’re living under the same roof as them though, you don’t have to accept your family’s poor treatment of you. Whether it’s your immediate family or a relative, you can sever ties.

If that’s just temporarily or permanently is your choice. You have to take care of yourself, so make the best decision. 

Can You Forgive Old Friends or Family Who Held You Back?

Perhaps some time passes and the friend or family member who you decided to cut ties with comes back to you feeling apologetic. They realize that fighting over your health goals was silly and that they miss having you around.

Since you’ve removed them from your life, you’ve found more supportive influences who believe in you and encourage you to do your best. You don’t want to backslide, but you missed this friend or family member too.

Should you take them back, so to speak?

You could conditionally work on a relationship but be wary. The first time they make a comment that you deem out of line, don’t stand for it.

Remember, outgrowing friends and family happens. It’s not always comfortable, but sometimes it’s what’s best! 

Think about your early morning daily routine. You wake up, maybe hit the snooze alarm (although hopefully only once if you do it at all), then you get out of bed. You go straight to the bathroom and begin brushing your teeth.

Have you ever thought about why you brush your teeth? It’s because it’s kind of hard-wired into your brain, right? If you by chance went about your morning without brushing your teeth, something would click in your head and remind you to go do it.

That’s the crux of habit stacking.

Known also as habit chaining, habit stacking came about in a 2014 book by S.J. Scott called Habit Stacking: 97 Small Life Changes That Take Five Minutes or Less. If you haven’t read this book, I quite recommend it!

According to Scott himself, habit stacking “builds routines around habits that don’t require effort” due to how “small wins build momentum because they’re easy to remember and complete.”

In other words, you select some small activities you want to incorporate into your life. Then, you add those activities to a preexisting habit until you create a routine.

By repeating that routine, it becomes second nature, so you do it without thinking, just like brushing your teeth in the morning.

Habit stacking can be the panacea for synapse pruning, or at least help you use it efficiently.  

What is synapse pruning, I’m sure you’re asking? It’s a brain function that happens more often as we age.

This NBC News article cites 2007 research from Oxford University that found that, compared to newborns, adults have more than 40 percent fewer neurons.

That’s due to synapse pruning.

A synapse links the brain and the neurons. When you prune your synapses, your brain does away with the synapses it’s not using while doubling down on the ones you do use.

This is why you may struggle to successfully incorporate a new habit in your life, even if it’s a good habit that you really want to do. Your brain isn’t dedicating as many synapses towards it.

You can take advantage of the way your brain’s synapses work through habit stacking.

For instance, let’s say that every night, you wash your face, brush your teeth, and get in bed. That’s pretty standard stuff, right?

Well, if you wanted to start reading, you’d stack that habit after the getting in bed habit.

You can even remember to start flossing more often by stacking it after brushing your teeth.

The best thing I can liken habit stacking to is sending a Slinky down the stairs. You start with a trigger that activates a series of events down the line.

How Can You Begin Habit Stacking?

I’m sure there’s at least one habit you want to have more of in your life, right? Habit stacking could be the answer, but how do you even get started?

I’m glad you asked! Here are the steps you can take today to make habit stacking work for you.

Take Five Minutes Per Day for Your Habit

If you want to start meditating for 20 minutes a day but you currently don’t meditate at all, the goal isn’t to squeeze in those extra 20 minutes somewhere.

Remember, habit stacking is all about small activities. Thus, you should start with five minutes of meditation or even a minute or two.

After those couple of minutes have passed, you’d consider yourself done meditating for the day. If you get to meditate for longer than a few minutes, then great! Your goal is only two to five minutes though.

Then, as meditating becomes a regular part of your routine, you’ll find that you set more time aside for it that will be closer to the original timeframe you wanted.

Make Your Habits Location-Based or Time-Based

When habit stacking, it helps if your new habits are tied to a place or a time; even both are fine!

For example, I was having a hard time deciding when to pick out my clothes for the next day. Since it wasn’t a set habit, there were definitely days when I didn’t do it at all. Then I’d wake up the next morning feeling very stressed.

I’m sure this is something that’s familiar to you.

I eventually found a time to pick out my clothes for the next day. Every night, at about 8 p.m., I’m enjoying some wind-down time, usually with a Netflix show.

About midway through the show, when I’d normally take a bathroom or snack break, I decided to start picking out my clothes for the next day.

So now I associate two things with that habit: the time, which is 8 o’ clock, and the place, which is my living room.

Keep It Easy

I don’t know about you, but nothing turns me off from doing something new more than if I’m immediately bad at it.

You want to feel like you can succeed at habit chaining. Don’t stack the deck against you by starting with a hard habit to incorporate.

Let your first habit stack be as easy as possible. You’ll feel like you can successfully change your life with habit stacking, which will make you want to work your way up to the bigger, more challenging habits.

Keep It Going

The habit stack examples I’ve touched on so far have been daily habits, but your habits don’t always have to be that frequent. You could have weekly or even monthly habit stacks depending on what the habit is.

No matter how frequently you’re committing to building a habit stack, the key is to stick with it. The repetition builds consistency, and the consistency is what you need to really ingrain that habit into your daily life.

Think of each day as adding another link to your chain. You don’t want to break the chain, but rather, keep adding more and more links.

But Don’t Expect to Be Perfect

Listen, even if you have the world’s best intentions, life has a way of coming in and screwing things up at times.

For instance, you’re reworking your morning routine when your in-laws show up unexpectedly for the weekend. Well, now what?

You have to expect that, as much as you want to stack your habits for a long time to come, you will be disrupted at times.

Having a setback like this is disappointing, but don’t lose heart. If you’ve truly built your habits through this time, then hopping right back on the horse, so to speak, won’t be too challenging when the time comes.

Habit Stacking Examples to Emulate Today

Woohoo! You’ve got your habit stacking plan, and you couldn’t be more excited to begin. To wrap up, I want to share some great habit stacking examples.

These examples might not all be applicable to you, but that’s okay. At the very least, they can inspire you to incorporate habit stacking in a way that suits your own schedule and lifestyle.

Coffee to Meditation

Once you hit the brew button on your trusty and true coffeemaker, you usually have a minute or two to spare. As soon as you hear the beep that your coffee is brewing, take that time to meditate.

Then, when your coffee is done brewing and the machine beeps at you again, that would signal the end of your meditation for the day.

Shower Setup to Pushups

If you want to start exercising more, start small and easy.

You can do 10 pushups before your morning shower through habit stacking. When you grab your towel to shower, you’d drop and do the pushups.

Then you can pop into the shower and get your day underway!

Work Clothes to Exercise Clothes

I’ve discussed this on the blog before, but sometimes the hardest part of exercising is getting your butt out of bed or putting on gym clothes and leaving the house.

By making it a habit to change into your gym clothes, you’ll be a lot less likely to miss a workout.

As soon as you get home and get changed out of your work clothes, put on exercise clothes instead.

Brushing to Flossing

Here’s a really easy one, but it comes in so much handy if you’re struggling to floss your teeth consistently.

You brush your teeth every single day twice a day. After you finish that at night, immediately follow it up with flossing. You won’t forget to floss now!

Lunch to Business Emails

You can apply habit stacking professionally as well. For example, at work, you take a lunch break every day, right?

As your lunch break wraps up, take the time to send one email. Maybe it’s to a potential client or an existing client but send just that email.

That’s five emails a week and 20 emails a month. It adds up!  

What’s faster – scheduling an appointment with a nutritionist or downloading a free diet app and trying your hand? It’s the diet app, of course.

The problem with many diet apps is that they’re a one-size-fits-all solution. The app will recommend you eat no more than 1,200 calories per day no matter who you are, so that’s what you do.

Then you find after a few weeks that you’re eating 1,200 calories but not losing weight. This seems insane to you. How can you eat so marginally and still not have the pounds melt off?

I see a lot of women who have a calorie deficit but are not losing weight, and it’s the calorie deficit itself that’s doing it.

Don’t get me wrong; you need to create some calorie deficit to shed pounds. However, 1,200 calories don’t work for every woman.

That’s the problem with these free weight loss apps. They don’t account for how tall you are, how much you weigh, and how active you are. 

An athlete who’s only eating 1,200 calories but spending hours on the field or in the gym cannot sustain that diet. It’s dangerous. 

Even the average woman who works an office job and still trains after work will find that eating 1,200 calories is really, really difficult.

The diet isn’t sustainable in the long term, You’re being overly restrictive in the short, and so what happens? Like all unsustainable diets, you will fail. You’ll gain back all the weight you lost, and you could gain back even more weight too.

Why is that?

Your body doesn’t understand what you’re doing when you only consume 1,200 calories a day. You know that you’re trying to lose weight, but to your body, it’s practically the end-times.  

Once you begin eating normally again, your body will slow your metabolism so that if you start depriving it again, the effects won’t be as detrimental. After a sustained period of eating at a calorie deficit, your body will adapt. 

It’s smart, after all! 

The next time you want to lose the re-gained pounds, you’ll find yourself fighting an uphill battle. A slower metabolism makes it even harder to lose weight.

As a caveat, I chose 1,200 calories as an example only. Not all 1,200-calorie diets will fail, especially if your doctor or nutritionist puts you on one. Please follow that diet!